Owies

Just had my gallbladder removed.

Son: You have owies?
Me: Four owies.
Son: Can I see?
Me: Sure *lifts up shirt*
Son: 1-2-3 on here and 1 here. You have an owie on your penis?
Me: …. No Son, on my belly button. *points* This is my belly button.
Husband: And *points* there is your belly button.
Son: Your owie on your belly button, not your penis?
Me: Yes, exactly. Remember I don’t have a penis.
Son: Oh. But daddy has a penis? *stares*
Husband: Yes, but I am not showing you my penis

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The Penicillin Equivalent of an Accident

Daughter: So now that I know what “accident” means I was wondering if you could not call me that anymore? I would rather be called a surprise.
Me: Daughter when I call you an accident, I mean you are like when they left out pertri dishes and came back and found mold which led to the discovery of penicillin and saved millions of lives.
Daughter: So you are saying I am mold?!?!
Me: Life saving mold!
Daughter: I still want to be called a surprise.

Date Night Decisions

Discussing where we can go for a late night mini date.

Husband: We could play pool. Do you play pool?
Me: I don’t play cause I suck at it. We could go bowling?
Husband: I suck at bowling.
Me: But you are allowed to suck at bowling.
Husband: We could go work out?
Me: We will not be one of those couples.
Husband: What about 7-11?
Me: Wow this went white trash super quick.

In the end we talked about places for an hour and went nowhere. Date night became bedtime. We are officially an old married couple.

Super Hair

That awkward moment your son knocks your hand and gets superglue in his hair. #threeyearoldproblems

Part of me thinksĀ he was trying to con me into getting him a real haircut.

Very Nice Spiders

Son: *tickles my back* There are spiders crawling on your back!
Me: But I am scared of spiders.
Son: It’s okay. They are *whispers* little spiders.
Me: But I am still scared of spiders.
Son: They are very nice spiders.

 

spider-hanging